ok.. i have to tell the reason why i'm not writing.. 1, i'm lazy (of course) and 2, i failed 2 of the GED exams! now that's disappointing.. my mom even thinks i'm very calm or like i dun care about it at all.. but she never knew, i was always afraid to fail.. afraid to get someone disappointed of my wrong doings.. thats what i hated myself for.. i always put all of the blame to myself.. but now, thanks to my sis Coco, the other self that i've been longing to disappear a long time ago is now gone.. :) i can finally balance it..
i know, my mom thinks like i dun care, but deep inside, i really.. i just CANT show it how much i've felt when i saw those scores.. in the bathroom, while taking a shower, i moaned inside my head.. "why does it have to be like this? am i really not good enough? are all the things i do WRONG? well, forgive me if its all wrong! i am not perfect, and i am sorry." i cried this out to my sis.. and she was telling me, that i did nothing wrong.. people make mistakes.. its part of being imperfect.. so i need to stop blaming myself.. i realized, so i did.. i have to.. but, like i said, i... i need to blame someone, to keep on fighting... and the person i blamed is myself.. bcoz of the fact, that i dont know how to set things straight always.. i always mess up.. thats why i did that..
well, thats it for now, need to go! cya~ maybe i'll write on the 4th of july, since thats a holiday.. haha, my first independence day here on america.. :) take careeee~
Signed,
Sa Ku Ra _ Chii
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